I know that you're leaving, you must have your reasons...

Summer '09. I wish I could put into words how I feel about this summer. No, literally, I wish i had something to say. It has been awful. I mean I have gotten to see my friends which is sweet and all, but I would just expect a little more out of a summer. Sadly, I have been looking forward to going back to school for a while now. I have gotten no job, have completed no road trips and have generally done nothing worthy of note, aside from hang out with people.

All those these people I may see less and less as the years pass. It would seem as if I am moving, possibly to Columbus. Not my ideal scenario, but it would be better than staying here in Cleveland again if I can't find a job. That is my biggest complaint with Cleveland, no jobs. I have made peace with how generally boring the city is, I even sort of like it, but life seems to have dealt me a different hand. Come next summer, I may be updating this blog from Columbus, hopefully with a job. The lack of a job is killing me, not being able to buy anything sucks so bad.

The summer hasn't been all bad though. I met some people who were cool and got to hang out with some that I already knew were cool, at least most of the time. One of my friends majorly played me tonight and it doesn't even seemed to have registered with them. It seem like blatant disrespect, but what am I going to do? Make a stink about it for a few days that will ultimately lead to nothing? Hell yea. Why not? I'm no doormat. Speak and be heard, that's how I live. It's not always the best path, but it works for me. But anyhow, before that tangent, I was talking about the summer. This summer hasn't really given me any material to work with to write in here. No drama, no action, just normal stuff. Perhaps that is better though.

I have really been sleeping my life away. While I should be packing. We all should. The fact that house will be empty in a month or two hasn't really hit anyone, because no one has done anything to pack stuff, move stuff, fix stuff or clean stuff. You would swear no major changes were gunna go down. It is a major change though. It hadn't really hit me at first, but moving is a big deal. So much of my life has happened here, countless memories. From good times, to bad times, to strange times, to lonely times. We are just leaving it all behind, it seems odd. I'll tell you what I will truly miss though, the downstairs shower. I will be damned if that is not the greatest shower on the planet. It had such great water pressure and all it had was a standard shower head. It sucks to have to leave it behind. To leave this bedroom of mine, where nothing has ever happened, if you know what I mean. Ha, but no. I have had good times chillin' in here with my friends. Whether nerding it up over runescape, or nerding it up over magic the gathering, we have done it all. Haha. Countless sleep overs.

So, I guess this is growing up. My mom is anxious to get up and out of here and I can't deny some part of me, too, is anxious to become my own person, to move on, to become an adult. But a larger part of me wants to stay here and have things taken care of and only have to worry about whats going on on Saturday night. I feel a burden of maturity hitting me, even now as I write this post. I suppose, maybe, I am not as okay with this move as I have been letting on, but what I am to do? Tell my mom to stay, to ruin her dream of being out on her own? Which in itself scares the shit out of me. I don't trust my mom to be alone, somebody should be with her and it has always been me. I don't know. I don't want to grow up anymore, I just want to be 17 again and not have any real worries, just who was going to drive me to the game this coming weekend. Now I have to think about stuff. Shit.

Well who knew that this blog would turn into such a revelation for myself? I wish I had more to say about current events or whatever, but I don't. These things scare the shit out of me. Money and all that is a legitimate concern. It must be nice to be rich, to never have a care in the world, although, then what do you work for? Do you even bother to work at all? Why am I going on a tangent about rich people? I have my own shit to worry about. Like millions of dollars in school loans, finding a house, and my mother going off on her own. That and the pressure of school and my impending career/adult life. Growing up was a bad idea. Hold on as long as you can kids.